I WANT TO BE A BILLIONAIRE

I want to be a billionaire.

A couple hundred million won't do.

I want a software monopoly.

I want to manipulate global currency.

I want to be a billionaire.

An oil sheik or an oil emir.

I'd call myself a philanthropist.

And you'd have nothing to fear.

Give me a cable network

And a herd of bison.

Give me my own airline

And aeronautics division.

I want to be a stealth billionaire:

You've never heard my name before.

Dressed up like a grubby duffer

At the corner store.

Because a billionaire wants to be…

Just like you.

And you're only a millionaire:

You haven't got a clue.

I want to be a billionaire.

If I was a billionaire

I might be more concerned with prestige,

Instead of using my wealth

Wisely.

So, if I was a billionaire

I’d live off the interest

And resist the urge to splurge

So people wouldn’t think I was a spendthrift.

If I was a billionaire

I’d bring my bastard son a bag of chips

And watch the smile form

On his tiny, Southeast-Asian lips.

It’s not like I’ve got galaxies of wealth.

It’s not like I’ve got a googol of wealth.

It’s not like I’ve got a black hole of wealth.

What’s the use of wealth if you ain’t got your health?

They don’t teach you how to be

A billionaire at school.

No, they don’t teach you how to be

Too successful.

You can’t win a billion dollars

On any silly show.

No, you can’t win a billion by calling up your friends

For a question you just don’t know.

Give me my own island.

And a stadium for my team.

Give me a movie studio.

And a tuxedo-clad chimpanzee.